MakingUpWithMyEx.Com

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things we sometimes have to do. It’s difficult when you’re the one that gets dumped, but even if it’s you ending a relationship, there are many painful emotions to deal with.

It’s especially difficult if the relationship is ending over things that don’t seem that important but ended up being insurmountable. Breakups are easier when one person is cheating or treating the other badly. At least when you break up with someone you know that you won’t be subjected to that behavior anymore.

But when you’re ending a relationship over things you might normally think of as small things you can end up doubting your decision a lot, especially right at first when things seem loneliest. It’s all too easy to convince yourself that things weren’t so bad after all, you miss your ex, and you should just get back together with him or her.

It’s important, however, to stay strong after you’ve broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. And if you find yourself doubting your decision, you need to think back to the things that made you want to break up in the first place.

When there’s no specific horrible thing like cheating or abuse to think on, it can be easy to tell yourself that the relationship wasn’t so bad after all, and you must have just been exaggerating. But really examine your feelings.

If you ended the relationship because he was just not there for you when you needed him, think back on how you felt when you really needed a shoulder to cry on and he wasn’t there, or he wasn’t open for that. Is it likely if you get back together with him that he’ll start being there for you? Hadn’t you already told him you needed that time and time again?

If it just didn’t feel “right” and you just didn’t have strong enough feelings for him, then when you find yourself sad and lonely it can be really easy to tell yourself you were wrong. You might decide that you can develop feelings for him, and that you just didn’t try hard enough before.

This might be the hardest thing to keep believing, because it is very easy to second guess ourselves when ending a relationship. But sometimes we can like someone, and even feel love for them, without the possibility of that ever turning into romantic love.

No matter how hard you try, if you’re not in love with someone and they’re just not the one for you, you’re not going to be able to force it to happen. Focus your energies on something else instead.

If you were close and you miss him but could not feel that special romantic love for him, really work hard at figuring out how you feel now. There’s no rule that says you can’t keep a close relationship with an ex. Ending a relationship completely might not be necessary, because you could end up being the best of friends.

After a relationship breakup, everything in the world can seem bleak and depressing. The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal reaction. Anytime anything “bad” happens to us, we go through a period of grieving. A relationship breakup is no exception.

When a relationship ends, you have a loss. There’s the loss of a person from your life who you’ve spent lots of time with. The intimacy you shared with this person now feels gone, and it’s common to think you’ll never have or sometimes even want that with another person. Breaking up can simply feel like the end of the world.

But it’s not! You need to put your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the proper perspective so you can move on. This isn’t easy to do, but it’s important that you start trying as soon as possible.

You’ll get tons of advice on how to deal with a relationship breakup. You’ll everything from “burn all your pictures” to “hop back on the horse and find another relationship.” You will know which approach is best for you, no matter what anyone says. Don’t try something that worked for someone else if it doesn’t feel right.

Give yourself permission to feel bad at first. Whenever you have a loss you go through the same stages of grief as you do when there’s a death or any type of ending, with the degree of feeling varying from situation to situation.

1. Denial is the first stage of loss after anything difficult like the end of a relationship. This can’t be happening!

2. Next, pain and guilt set in after the shock and denial start to fade.

3. Anger comes next, as does something called bargaining. If I do this or don’t do that, maybe we can get back together. I’ll never look at another man as long as I live, if only . . . .

4. Depression and loneliness set in once it’s clear that bargaining won’t change the painful truth.

5. The next step is the lessening of depression when things start to seem a little better.

6. Then comes the hard part of working through it and getting past it.

7. The last stage of grief after a relationship breakup or any loss is acceptance, and hope for a better future.

It can help to try to figure out which stage you’re in, and to know that everyone experiences something along these lines. Not everyone will go through every stage and they might not even be in order.

You might never start bargaining, for instance, especially if you know it’s really and truly over. But most people’s grief process will follow that general pattern. It’s important to recognize that there is a final stage, and that stage means you’ve gotten past it.

Try to put your relationship breakup into perspective with other important things that have happened and will happen in your life, and remember that you’ll eventually get to the acceptance stage, too.

How do you know when it’s really all over? Is it when one of you calls it quits? Or, is there still hope even when someone has walked out? This article will look at relationships – break up or make up.

There are numerous reasons that relationships break up. Some of them are even good reasons. For instance, if you are just leading your partner on, it is right to cut him or her loose. If he or she isn’t trustworthy, that is a good reason for a break up. Of course, sometimes people’s lives change and the partner no longer fits into the total picture, in which case, it is good to end the relationship.

So, when do you make up?

There are two components to saving a relationship. First of all, you have to both love each other. But that alone is not enough to save relationships from breaking up. For instance, partners of different religious faiths may love each other but find that love alone can’t bridge the difference in their outlook for the future.

You also have to be able to see a future together. If you can’t see the person in your life in six months, you might as well separate now, even if you have a real bond of affection. And, if this is a serious relationship and you can’t see yourself marrying your partner, you will be doing both of you a favor by calling it quits.

If you are going to make up, you need to reflect on the relationship’s break up. Why did things go sour? When you have identified the root causes of the split, you can begin to fix things.

It may take time to fix things. While your ex may not be willing to jump back into bed with you, they might be willing to be friends and to work on the relationship. In fact, after a relationship’s break up, you may not want to start right back where you left off. Instead, take some time to rebuild the romance in your lives.

Here is some advice for people who are wondering whether to break up or make up.

First of all, listen more than you talk. Don’t always try to explain your position. Try to understand your ex’s. Also, listen without planning a rebuttal.

Next, remember to do the things your ex likes. If she likes it when you buy her flowers, get a dozen roses. If he likes it when you go to his football scrimmages, go. This shows that you pay attention to their wants and needs.

Show your ex that they are on your mind even when you are not around. You can do this by calling or texting them.

Call each other by loving or pet names. This brings exclusiveness to the relationship.

Try to have fun again. Too many times, relationships become too serious. “Communication” becomes paramount. But, dating is supposed to be fun. Try putting the serious issues aside from time to time and focus on enjoying each other’s company.

When it comes to relationships, break up is hard because you have invested so much in the other person. Because of this, making up is sometimes the better answer.

I’m not that old, so I don’t know for sure, but it seems like these days we make everything so much more complicated than it needs to be. That is especially true when it comes to relationship couples seem to find it so hard to figure out the problem and many times the problem is a small and simple thing.

One analogy I often use is that of a stone wall. Think of your relationship. Every time you do or say something that hurts or annoys your partner, it’s like adding another stone to the wall. A couple stones here and a few stones there don’t matter all that much, you can still easily step over the wall to be close to your partner.

And, if you apologize, and make permanent changes, to the behaviors that caused your partner pain or annoyance, you can even remove a stone sometimes.

But if you do like most couples do, and you continue to add stones after stones after stones, and you don’t remove any, you will find it virtually impossible to connect with your partner. By that point it will be very difficult and maybe even impossible to tear down the wall and have a meaningful relationship with your partner.

The trick is to make sure your wall never gets too high. How? Easy, talk. Just talk, don’t yell, don’t shout, don’t accuse…talk.

It’s very important each person in the relationship remembers that the other person has feelings too. When you are hurt and upset it’s very easy to make everything all about ‘you’. That won’t work.

If you take the time to realize that your partner has their point of view and remember, this has absolutely nothing to do with right and wrong, it’s simply about recognizing that each person has their own view of what has happened and you need to let them express that view without getting defensive or upset, you might actually find that you are on the same page…just a different sentence!

I’ve had that very same experience. My spouse and I had very heated discussions but once we calmed down and actually talked, and listened, we realized though we were saying it in different ways we were both saying basically the same thing!

Once you come to that place it will help you take a stone out of your wall and it can also help you in the future if you can remember that you and your partner probably aren’t all that far off from each other, you’re just expressing yourselves differently.

For the most part no matter what your age, gender, religious, or sexual preferences, everyone wants to feel love, respected, appreciated, and understood. You want that and so does your partner, when it comes to relationship couples will be much better off if they never lose sight of that. If you try to deal with your partner with those things in mind, and they do the same for you, your relationship will be much smoother, and there will be a lot fewer stones in your wall.

Trying to have a successful relationship can be a challenge for anyone. There is no one size fits all relationship or relationship advice. There are, however, some relationship woman advice that can help women find, and keep, that great relationship they’ve been looking for.

As odd as it might sound, if you want a good relationship the first person you have to worry about is you. Too many women are looking for the wrong thing and for the wrong reasons.

Everyone wants to feel liked, loved, desired, and respected. That’s a wonderful thing to find. But too many women don’t feel they have any worth unless they are in a romantic relationship, and that’s where the trouble starts.

You see it goes a little like this: a lonely insecure woman who feels desperate for the love of a man will put off ‘desperate vibes’. The only kind of man she is going to attract is an insecure man who needs to control the women in his life so he can feel important. Chances are both will enter into a twisted co-dependent relationship that won’t be satisfying to either one.

That is why it is vital that any woman who is looking for a serious relationship take a long hard, and possibly painful, look at herself. It’s not that she’s not good enough, it’s just that she doesn’t think she’s good enough. Until she realizes her own worth she will continue to attract the wrong type of men, be subject to some level of abuse whether verbal, emotional, or much worse, and will never really get the love she wants and deserves.

And the abuse in this type of situation is virtually guaranteed. You have to understand that a decent secure man will never be attracted to an insecure desperate woman. So that only leaves the kind of men that don’t know any other way than to abuse women.

They may not physically abuse them, and it may not even be real overt, but the abuse will be there. He will constantly be making snide and hurtful comments about her looks, her weight, her cooking, her housekeeping, or her lovemaking… and that is abuse.

Then after suffering from that abuse over a period of time, women will only have lower self esteem and even if they break up with their partner the cycle will continue, only it will probably be worse since her self esteem is so much lower than before.

You can nip this problem in the bud. Just slow down, take some time to make sure you are the woman of your dreams. Make sure you are the type of woman you truly want to be, strong, confident, capable. If you need some help to get to that point don’t hesitate to find a good therapist and enlist their help.

It might take time but it will be time well spent. If you truly want to have a lifetime of love and fulfillment you need to make sure you are the kind of woman who ‘demands’ it. Not by stomping your feet or becoming a shrew, but by being strong and capable and knowing that you deserve the very best. When you become that type of woman than you will attract the type of man that can truly make you happy.

Even though it might not be what some people want to hear, I hope that this relationship woman advice is taken to heart. I’ve seen the pattern above repeated with a dear friend of mine and she’s in yet another lousy relationship with an insecure guy who makes himself feel like a big man by knocking her down. She and you, can do much, much better.

When two people come to share a certain bond, there is no assurance that the bond will remain strong until the end of their lives. Relationship breakups arise when one or both parties feel the need to end the relationship they are in. Love comes into your life, but may leave after a certain period of time. People break free from relationships for many different reasons.  This article will explore relationship breakups.

Relationship breakups as mentioned above happen for many different reasons. Distrust is one. When you commit yourself to a person, you automatically put your trust in that person. You wouldn’t have committed yourself had you not loved the person from the start. The trust you give a person encompasses faith, love, and security. You trust that your partner will remain faithful to you, and will love you wholeheartedly. But sometimes, out of recklessness, or stupidity; trust is broken by the one person you have willingly given it to. Love dies along with trust. Sometimes, when that trust is broken and love is gone, you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. This is one common reason for relationship breakups. .

Another reason for relationship breakups is differences. Usually, when you start a relationship with someone, it’s because you have at least one major factor in common with that other person.  But sometimes, at a certain point; you or the other person in your relationship will find big differences about you or the other person. Things just aren’t the way they were before and if that commonality isn’t there anymore, the relationship may wither and die. As relationships mature, they become comfortable. And as the saying goes; “comfort often breeds contempt.”   Even if contempt isn’t the right word, boredom often sets into a mature relationship.

When you are put in this situation, you find yourself having a difficulty handling your relationship, your differences. And then you or the other person may want out of the relationship because the relationship has lost its excitement.  If the relationship doesn’t match your needs or those of your significant other, then that’s usually when the relationship will start to sour.

The ultimate reason for relationship breakups is loss of love. Sometimes, even if things seem to always be right, when love leaves, relationships have to end. It is true that most of the time love is the reason two people got into a relationship in the first place, but it also is the reason why couples drift apart. You may certainly feel so in love with your partner now, and your partner in love with you, but there may come a time, as there have been for others, that love will leave you or them behind. It’s an unfortunate fact, but people fall out of love every day.  When love leaves, there is no reason to for you or your partner to stay. It is love that put you together, and most of the time it will be lack of love that will break you apart. .

While some might say there are as many types of love as there are couples, it’s also true that long-term romantic relationships tend to fall into certain categories.

According to Robert Sternberg, who developed the Triangular Theory of Love, there are exactly seven of those categories. Here we’ll take a love at the five types most would consider love. Any of them sound familiar?

Romantic Love

This is what Hollywood wants us to think love is. The foundation is passion—that giddy, swept-of-your-feet feeling. Along with that, there’s often a sense of emotional closeness so strong you feel one with your partner. The problem with this type of love is that there’s no commitment. Once the excitement wears off and the day-to-day routine sets in, this love can fizzle fast. There are better types of relationships out there.

Fatuous love

This is Vegas drive-through-chapel love. Love that makes you think you should spend a lifetime together after you’ve only known each other a week. As with the romantic variety, there’s plenty of passion, but there’s also a sense of commitment (hence the insta-wedding).

What’s lacking, though, is intimacy. The two people involved hardly know each other. It leads to questions like “What do you mean you ‘forgot’ to finalize your divorce?!”

Companionate love

This is the elderly couple walking hand in hand through the park. It’s also the ornery old pair who always seems to have regular spats, yet wouldn’t dream of leaving each other. Even after the passion has died down, the closeness and commitment are stronger than ever. Of course, that’s not to imply that all older couples lack passion or that this love is reserved only for the elderly.

Empty love

Of all types of relationships, this one is hardest to call “love.” It’s really more a type of respect held up by moral values. It’s the kind of thing that happens when a married couple no longer feels much of anything for each other, but stays together for the kids, for financial reasons, or just out of sheer momentum. Often both partners still feel genuine regard and respect for one another, but neither emotional intimacy nor sexual passion are anywhere to be found.

Consummate love

Here we’ve hit the mother lode. This is the love most of use dream of finding some day. It’s everything all rolled into one: deep emotional intimacy, toe-curling passion, and rock-solid commitment. People who share this type of love often consider their partner their best friend or the “one thing” they can count on. Naturally, this relationship’s bound to hit a few storms along the way, but this type of couple has everything they need to weather those storms without sustaining any serious damage.

So which one sounds like you? Are you high on romantic love, settled into a comfortable companionship or, just maybe, you’re one of the lucky couples who’ve found true consummate love. In any case, keep in mind that not every relationship is going to fit into one of these categories and most types of relationships will fall into more than one.

If you’ve spent any time browsing the net for advice in love relationship, you’ve probably run into plenty that was just plain impractical. Ideas like taking your sweetie for a weekend get-away or preparing a homemade gourmet meal probably do work great, but not everybody can do those things. What’s worse, they miss the point. A great relationship is based on how close you are with each other, not how much you spend. Fortunately, though, there are a lot of ways you can start improving your relationship that don’t require a lot of time, money, or talent.

Respect each other!

This is one piece of advice in love relationship you can live by. It sounds so simple. If you love someone, you naturally treat them with kindness and respect, right? Well, that’s usually true when you only see that person now and then, but when you live with each other, it’s easy to forget.

The remedy? Pick someone you deeply respect, whether it’s your grandma or your favorite professor, and don’t say or do anything to your partner you wouldn’t say or do to that person. If you slip up (we all do it), do the right thing and apologize. Remember, sometimes just one thoughtless statement can end a relationship.

Support each other!

Have you ever been exited about some great idea you had and rushed off to share it with a close friend only to have that friend act ho-hum or worse, start tearing you down? Well, don’t do the same to your partner. When your partner shares their goals and dreams with you, try to at least say something positive even if you don’t like the idea.

After that, it’s fine to point out major flaws in a plan, but do it gently and constructively. Something like, “So you want to become a teacher, huh? I bet you’d be great at it, but teachers don’t earn much, do they?” is kind, yet brings up an important point.

Once they’ve decided to take the plunge and try for a major achievement, though, your support or lack thereof could make or break the relationship.

Learn to let go!

When your partner does something you find irritating, think twice before you bring it to their attention. Is it something they can easily change or would it require a major personality overhaul? If in all honestly, you can’t see your partner changing without years of nagging, you have the choice to either put up or break up (or nag for years, if you’re into that kind of thing). Once you choose to overlook it, don’t bring it up even during an argument.

Remember, this kind of acceptance and tolerance is often one of the things older married couples cite as a reason for their success.

Whether you’re still in that giddy, falling-in-love stage or you’ve been married for years, there are some things about relationships that never change. Respect, support, and a little tolerance are just a few of those things. The best advice in love relationship help you bring more of that mindset into the way you deal with your sweetie.