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Posts Tagged ‘relationship advice’

As you’ve probably noticed, there’s no shortage of relationship advice for women on how to get a boyfriend or deal with relationship problems. The lack seems to be somewhere in the middle: how do you avoid bad relationships in the first place?

Know who you’re looking for

When it comes to our love lives, most of us spend way too much time trying to be attractive to men in general and not nearly enough on deciding what type of man we’re really trying to attract. I’m not counting those fantasies about the tall, dark, and handsome wealthy investment banker who spends his weekends pirating on the high seas, either. I mean really thinking about the important character attributes of your ideal guy.

Watch out for major contradictions in your expectations, too. For instance, if you love the strong silent type, don’t complain when your macho man has a hard time sharing his feelings.

Establish your boundaries

Boundaries, popularly known as “deal breakers,” are your signals to leave a relationship ASAP. They’re things like physical abuse, criminal background, and addictions.

Here’s the thing, though: you need to decide what your boundaries are before you get involved with anyone. Once you’re romantically and physically involved—or even worse, financially entangled—it’s way too easy to start making excuses for his behavior.

One good piece of relationship advice for women is to share your deal breakers with a friend. That way, when you call her up to complain, she’ll give you a nudge by saying something like, “But didn’t you swear you’d break up with any guy who did that?”

Learn the warning signs

Tired of getting hurt by the same things over and over again? Most likely your man radar is broken. To fix it, learn the early warning signs that can
show you when your love interest is likely to be a cheater, physical abuser, alcoholic, or whatever else it is you want to avoid. This way you can filter out the noise and focus in on the good men. If you need pointers, relationship advice for women who’ve dealt with these kinds of guys can help you out.

Listen to your gut

How many times have you heard this one? Well, it’s one of the most often repeated pieces of relationship advice for women because it’s so true. In relationships, more than anywhere else, a gut feeling alone can tell you when things just aren’t going to work out. Don’t ignore your instincts.

Beware of instant attraction

Just about all of us have met at least one woman who swears she knew she’d found her soul mate the moment she set eyes upon the man who’s now her husband. It does happen. Chalk that one up to instinct, too, I guess.

More often, though, instant attraction eventually leaves you dazed and miserable from a whirlwind affair that crashed in less than a month. If you feel yourself irresistibly attracted to a man you just met, take a step back and ask yourself why? If you can’t see any major stop signs, go ahead and get to know the guy, but take it slower than you normally would. A strong initial attraction should make you more cautious, not less.

Before you read any more relationship advice for women, take some time to get clear on your own needs and desires. Decide what kind of man you’re looking for and set clear boundaries and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of avoiding heartache in the future.

So you’ve found someone who’s just perfect for you and want to make sure you don’t mess it up. Just the fact that you’re looking for tips at this early stage is a good sign. For a new relationship, advice on building a solid foundation can have a major impact on your future as a couple.

Be yourself

This is probably the oldest advice in the book, but there’s a reason for that. Think about it this way: do you really want waste months or years of time and energy pretending to be someone you’re not? Even if your partner thinks the world of you, in reality, they don’t even know who you are. So go ahead and show your true colors right from the outset.

Take it slow

One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you’re attached at the hip. Go slow with physical affection, starting with simple hand holding and building up from there. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Now and then go out with some other friends or just by yourself. It helps you preserve your own sense of identity and keeps you from wearing each other out.

Stay friends

Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Romance and passion are great, but friendship is what keeps you together. Unfortunately, when we get used to a person, there’s a tendency to take the other person for granted or give yourself permission to nit pick their behavior. Don’t fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you’re your partner the same respect you’d show any other close friend. Remember, in a new relationship, advice on staying friends can help keep the passion alive, too.

Learn to handle conflict

While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it’s also an opportunity for growth. When you handle differences and disagreements in a healthy way, you actually gain from the experience. After all, it may just be that your partner really does have a better way of doing something. The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers, bring it up kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. In any case, trying to ignore a problem while letting resentment brew is a recipe for disaster. That’s why, for a new relationship, sound advice on resolving conflicts can be a huge help.

Learn what makes relationships work. If you’re hoping to find your true love some day, you’ve probably already read a few of those interviews with couples who’ve been married 50 years or more. Read more of those and while you’re at it, read anything you can find on the secrets of successful long-term relationships. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common. Knowing what those are gives your relationship a better chance of staying the course.

Creating lasting love last isn’t always easy, but starting off the right way helps you build the strong foundation a long-term commitment depends on. When you’ve just entered a new relationship, advice on what to do next can really help you set off on the right foot.

Been getting your love relationship advice from Cosmo or Esquire? Well, there’s your problem right there. Popular magazines and Hollywood movies may offer plenty of tips on finding dates and what to do with your date later that night, but they rarely give you anything you can use to build a strong, long-term relationship. For a change, here are some tips you can actually use.

Build trust!

A lot of love relationship advice focuses on trust because it truly is the foundation of a loving relationship. While trust sometimes develops on its own, putting a little work into building it never hurts. How can you do that? First of all, be reliable. Call when you say you will and show up when you promise to. Also try not to make little off-hand promises you have no intention of keeping, like “Yeah, I’ll help you clean the kitchen later.”

When you have a disagreement, be fair and don’t take jabs at your partner’s weak spots. Respect your partner’s feelings and avoid telling them they “shouldn’t” feel a certain way just because that’s not how you’d feel in the same situation.

Don’t ignore money matters!

This may not be very common love relationship advice, but it is important. If you share any financial responsibilities, you owe it to each other to communicate on this issue. Sure, it’s not much fun to talk about money, but it’s even less fun when you’re in serious trouble due to poor planning. Don’t let it get that far.

Even in a marriage with only one bread winner, both of you should be involved in financial planning. To keep problems at bay, put aside time once a month (while you’re doing the bills is a good time) to discuss your financial situation. Once you get used to it, it’ll become a lot less stressful.

Learn to end arguments!

It’s bound to happen: your partner does that really annoying thing yet again and suddenly you’re yelling at each other. The important thing isn’t so much stopping it from happening as knowing how to stop it when it does happen. In fact, the ability to diffuse post-argument tension can make or break a relationship. How’s that for valuable love relationship advice?

So, when you realize your gripe session is getting out of hand, try a little gentle humor, say something kind to your partner, or acknowledge that the two of you ultimately share the same goals. If you’re still feeling snarky, take a break to clear your head.

Talk about what matters!

Ever hear people say they and their spouse lead separate lives and wonder how a marriage ends up that way? Most often is starts with a lack of deep communication. Real relationship-sustaining communication does not mean talking about when the dog’s due for his shots or when you’re going to get that leak fixed. It means talking about your feelings from day to day, your hopes for the future, and even your fears.

Keeping a relationship going strong takes trust, good communication, and attention to the things that really matter. Don’t get sidetrack by the magazine headlines because the best love relationship advice isn’t all about when to send roses or what to do in bed.