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Help save marriage from the secular therapists who call themselves “Marriage and Family Counselors.” These professionals, who generally have a master’s degree in psychology have a misleading license. You would think from their titles that they are specialists to help save marriage, but when you find out what they are really trained in, you see that it is in individual therapy.

Look at the coursework required for a Marriage and Family Counselor’s License. They take classes like “individual assessment,” “group dynamics” and “multicultural counseling.” These courses are aimed at mental health challenges focusing on the individual. Marriage counseling courses, when offered, are an elective.

When they take that individual-orientation training and apply it to a married couple who says “help, save marriage,” the model fails. Often the first thing the therapist will do is send the parties to individual counseling to deal with their personal mental health issues.

This can often drive a feuding couple further apart. As separate counselors reinforce individual needs and desires over the joint needs of the relationship, the marriage disintegrates further.

So, what can you do if you want to save your marriage? You know you need professional intervention to help you communicate better and work through existing relationship problems.

Perhaps the best person to help you is your pastor. Clergy have a vested interest in preserving marriage as a sacrament. While many ministers will advise someone in an abusive situation to get out, their initial reaction is to help save marriage in general and yours in particular.

Pastoral counseling integrates psychological theory and biblical principles. The emotional and spiritual journey is seen as intertwined.

If you attend a church or place of worship regularly, you can contact the office and ask for an appointment for pastoral counseling to help save marriage.

If you don’t attend a church already, you can look for pastoral counseling at a local church. Churches tend to have an outreach to the community mission and most are open to providing services to all who ask.

Large churches, especially the so-called “megachurches” will have a special pastoral counseling staff. However, if you choose a smaller church, you will probably get attention from a senior pastor.

In either case, when you really want to help save marriage, turn to pastoral counseling rather than secular marriage counseling.

Traditional individually oriented therapy, when turned to marriage counseling, focuses on “communication skills” and “problem solving strategies.” Tackling marriage problems this way can actually stress the partners out more.

Biblically based counseling, on the other hand, can help you solve your problems in the way God intended.

If you are saying, “help, save marriage,” contact a pastor to get the real kind of marriage counseling you need.

Saving a marriage teetering on the brink of divorce can be done, but answering the question “How can I save my marriage?” is more complicated than the Sunday paper advice columns make it seem. You can do everything “right” and still end up hitting an impasse. Sound familiar? If so, here are some tips for getting around some of the common sticking points that throw the reconciliation process off the tracks.

Decide what you want from your relationship!

There are as many types of marriages as there are married couples and as long they work for the couple and any kids involved, then they work. The problems is a lot of us start wondering “How can I save my marriage?” without knowing exactly what we’re trying to “save” in the first place. After all, it’s not your marriage certificate you’re trying to save, but the relationship the two of you have.

Take some time to think over the type of relationship you want. Once you have a fairly clear vision of your ideal marriage, talk it over with your spouse. Hopefully, your visions will be similar, but if not, at least you’ll be able to see exactly what’s been holding up your negotiations.

Be honest about your behavior!

You’ve heard it all before: don’t criticize, be respectful, listen attentively. You know deep down that’s how you should be talking to each other, but is that really how you’re doing it? The way we talk to our partners tends to become a reflex over the years, so you’ll really have to pay attention to root out any problems. One good way to get a more objective view is to imagine your spouse were a casual acquaintance. If it’s not polite enough to say to someone you hardly know, then it’s not polite enough to say to your spouse, either.

Release the blame!

One of the first steps towards repairing a marriage is letting go of the need to blame the other person for anything. Let’s face it, keep trying to reach an agreement on whose fault each little problem is and you’ll be going around in circles indefinitely. So long as there are only two people in your marriage, both of you are each 50% responsible for any problems that come up. Even if you’re spouse has been unfaithful, you still need to address anything you might have done that lead to that or, in some cases, lead to your marriage to an incurable swinger.

Commit to improving!

Once you’ve managed to get past the blame game stage, the next step in answering the question “How can I save my marriage?” commitment to making efforts to treat each other better. It can help to pick certain things you want to work on like nagging less or spending more quality time together.

These tips will get you started towards making up with your spouse, but naturally there’s a lot more to it that this. It’s no good to keep asking yourself, “How can I save my marriage?” without taking action to get some qualified advice and take action to improve your relationship as soon as possible. Whether you decide to go in for counseling or find a good self-help book, do something for your marriage today.

When you’re partner seems minutes away from packing their bags—or you’re living separately already—convincing a spouse to save a marriage can seem next to impossible. If you take a step back from the situation, though, you can see that there are realistic options for changing the mind of a spouse who’s about to walk out. Here are some strategies that may just get your partner to come around.

Fake it ‘til you make it!

It’s a common strategy for business and other areas of social like, but acting “as if” can work for marriages, too. It works so well because how we act has a major influence both on how we feel and on how others see us. For a while, try forgetting that you have anything but a perfectly blissful marriage and treat your spouse accordingly. Now, that’s not going to be so easy if your partner’s still bitter and liable to pick a fight. Still, you can take advantage of those times when things are going well to try to see your spouse as the person you were deeply in love with when you decided to get married.

Be reasonable!

Whether you want you spouse to join you in marriage counseling or just try out a few tips you picked up from a book, you’ll have more success in winning them over if you don’t push. Threats, guilt trips, and begging are more likely to push your partner away than give you any success convincing a spouse to save a marriage. Instead, use a calm logical approach that taps into the underlying regard you spouse most likely still has for you or at least for the children. Statements like “With everything we’ve invested in each other, don’t you think it’s worth a try to save it?” or “Wouldn’t you rather be able to tell the kids we tried everything?” can help.

Address the problems!

When convincing a spouse to save a marriage, promises to change ring pretty hollow unless you can back them up. If you expect your spouse to believe you’re not going to repeat certain mistakes in the future, give them a real reason. This is especially important if you’ve had an affair or you’re struggling with an addiction. For instance, if you’ve started counseling to resolve an addiction that you’ve never dealt with before, your partner has a reason to believe things will get better.

Take care of yourself!

The stress and low mood marital problems naturally bring about can leave you feeling like you just don’t want to do anything. For your own sake, though, don’t give in to that feeling or you’ll only make yourself feel worse and drive your spouse farther away. Make sure you’re eating right, getting enough sleep, and not cutting corners on personal grooming. Stay on top of your responsibilities like finances and home maintenance.

Convincing a spouse to save a marriage isn’t always easy, but it can be done. The most important thing you need to do is stay calm, stay upbeat, and actively look for solutions to the problems between you. If you need more advice on convincing a spouse to save a marriage, most marriage counselors and professionally written self-help ebooks online can give you some tips.